Would this be because my BIOS are a few years old? I really don't want to mess with those, so I'm trying to eliminate all other possibilities.
This message was posted on behalf of Intel Corporation
In regard to the processor specifications, this is an unlocked unit. This means Intel® XTU features should be available. Please bear in mind that all XTU features are available if the BIOS of the computer enables such options as well.
Please check with your motherboard maker for BIOS updates, if you have an earlier version, you may want to update them gradually.
Asus driver website